Being with Couples

When invited, many widows have difficulty being with couples and feel more isolated and alone when they are thrust into groups of "pairs." One widow entitles these evenings, "We're Going," when she hears repeatedly about the trips couples have planned. Often couples are trying to distract you (and themselves) from the "elephant in the room" with amusing stories about their lives and plans. They may be doing their best and have no idea how isolated it makes you feel.

It is often uncomfortable to be with pairs and even painful to experience the jealousy and the anger that comes with your awareness that they still have each other. It doesn't matter much that some of these couples may be unhappy with each other. Widows have said that they would trade physical loneliness for the emotional loneliness which can be a part of every relationship.

“I cannot go out with couples. I feel odd, left out, and I 
cannot deal with the conversations about where they are 
going, what they are doing. All the ‘we’ stuff. I have no
‘we’ and it hurts. They are kind, often patronizing, but I 
would rather be alone than with units. It just underlines 
my aloneness.”

“I have learned that no one wants to hear about my loss. Sometimes people ask how I am doing and when I forget and tell them how hard it is, they offer free-flowing advice.”

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Read on: Physiology of Mourning